call Olga
call Richie, Mom

get *blinds*- put them up and vacuum

11/24/84

Once again I'm aware of the anxiety I feel
about making moves forward. As I collect the
objects to do it, I feel it welling up. The old
position was to sit still, hoping the waves around me
would settle.Now I'm learning to tolerate that
dizzy, nauseous feeling inside that slows me
down to a snail's pace because part of me
believes this will be soothing. I don't want
to live (all the time) in that twilight, that misty
world.

But I also recognize that I've earned
the right to live in that world as much as
I choose. It is also the world of reveries
and ideas.
(Then I left and went out and
accomplished a number of things- bought a
jacket and shirt, found a chair, Toni's radio,
picked up the blinds, straightened the house).

Leaving a t.v. on for backgound noise of the "average expectable environment."

Experience (1)........................Experience (2)
situation.........signal decay
_______________________________________________
thought.......variant a............variant b..........variant c...............variant d

)........................)............................).......................)............................)

..................such as rational......such as............such as...............such as memory


..................deduction................ludicrous...........connected
...............................................................................anticipatory
.................................................................................thought
....................................................association