1/28/86 the Orange Notebook

Last night, Toni and I talked about reincarnation. Today, after her doctor's visit, we returned some books to the library and I picked out: Finnigan's Wake, a book of Stevens, Emily Dickenson and *Timewarp.* The last book pushed me over the edge into my childhood. The coincidence of a cold brought other strong associations. Staying home from school, being sick and being taken care of. But another theme, often overlooked, is me taking care of *her.* Like the time we came back from Germany for a visit to her mother and I endlessly entertained her playing cards, talking about books I was reading. The more I travel back, the more real those memories are to me becuse they are the form and substance of how I experience what I am experiencing now.Another theme is banishment and defeat, but that for anothet time- yes, the mind weaves, moves across a shuttle and possibly in the perihelion of this axis...(now back to *Timewarp.*)

Idea for a story: a man has a tremendous need to discover a system which gives him exact results. Obsessed with documentation, authority, authenticity, certitude. He chooses the most exact of all. Through a labyrinth of investigations, he finally comes upon someone whho says: "Trust me, I knew the absolute value." He goes from discipline to discipline, finallly discovering one where you do not have to take the word of one another. When he realizes this, it is not long after that someone comes to him who is observed with knowing where and when the absolute value can be established.