Distribution Automatique

Monday, May 26


By a systematic relieving of guilt, an analyst is able to assist an analysand... a relief from the pressure of responsibilities.This is true. But the fictive muse might entirely neglect her object. These mutterings from the unconscious precede a more organized perception of time. So many selves are required.

Dr.Fielding- owe $180. Patient owes me $200.

The technique of unresolved relationships. All the things I couldn't say to someone.

X said what she sees in my work are unresolved relationships. How about mine? The writing is, in the end, about these relationships. Someone else felt my writing "exploited" the audience. My relationships do have a "distant" quality to them now.

Will power. Avoidance of responsibilites. For six months I carried "Two or Three Things I Know About HIm" in my briefcase. But my relaxation techniques seem to be related to fear. Plainly, because I was so afraid, I backed into a corner, like Gregor Samsa in -Metamorphosis.- I withdrew into a world of words, books and writing. I took forays into the world of people and then withdrew into my solitude.

It's just that when I don't have to make a move, in terms of those responsibilities, I don't want to. I would rather live in a world of my own creating during that time. There is a story in my secretiveness too, and I want you to know it. And so he begins taking small photographs of his most familiar landscape, his own thoughts. True, they were all thought before. But even the way I press my pen down so hard on the page has a personal history. Perhaps I loved making those words so much my teachers would read. Maybe it's just a way to get out my anger. I do like tightening up the muscles in my arm when I write. Maybe it was my sport instead of baseball, which the other kids played, but which I, especially in my childhood, withdrew from. It's frightening how personal my exposure, my (emotional) rape by my mother was. She wanted to own me completely, make me completely her slave, perhaps. Or maybe she ws still so angry at her father for deserting her and her mother for another woman.

So, it is all these unresolved relationships. How I leave the feelings there to accumulate like a pile of leaves waiting on the lawn to be burned.

Seemed kind of wary.


The problem of space= the human relationship to space.

Harcourt, Brace= 888-4444.

The letters, checks and bills.

Impatiently waiting. Need for a certain kind of support- different kinds- also related to fear. All this concentration on preoccupations can be directly translated into poetry. Making a plan, a move (also, fear), telling a story M.G. Giving out directly a kind of direct interpretation of the narrative. This would feel like making a personal choice, a form of committment.