(7/78)

Historicity
The thought before is substituted for the anterior reference. Time in moment-to-moment tension is dissolved and diffused in the form of various perspectives of scale. This hypertrophy of scale is observable in contemporary abstract art and largely formalized including concepts of self-reference and documentation- in the tiny collages of Kurt Schwitters. Schwitters' association with the Dada movement- and deepened by his reaction to Nazism- fixes him in the historical frame which is for the moment overemphasized and ignores the space/thought dimension of his work. The promise of Surrealism- fusion of thought and language forms- also of a...

Tottering in its confused association with Freudianism- did not lead to the mecca of instant self-enlightenment. Before long too, the beats were to again vastly enlarge the possibilities for line to line scale and it's di...

7/8/78

As presently we will see the tides are still searching out their newest shapes and colors and the words for connection are still the same. I see your expressions in the coded messages of my feelings. You weren't kidding when you said I was happy. Soon we will answer to the gestures this sharing implies. Sunset also has a place in the vocabulary of history. Feelings go in lines too and afterwards another long kiss. No eyebrows raised the sun is in your greeting...Let's hurry, one foot after another, always a single word drawn into a series, the preceding enters onto the following like a ruin of small mistakes. the coming together draws closer the frayed ends of the present, past and future.

7/20/78

Losing pace with the historicity article, the reports from BCG, the correspondance for L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E. I just don't feel like doing it. After the feelings about Roof IV and what happened with X, *I just don't feel like looking at it.* The wall I told Fielding about. After that point, I may be entering into vulnerable areas that may cause some pain. I am happy about my relationship with N but I also feel afraid. But I face away from writing work when I'm struggling with trust. Now I'm thinking of being published in the magazines and mixed up in this other thoughts, about security. So many people have said to me there isn't any, even some analysts, but I don't believe this. And the symbol of that feeling for me is the sea in summer. The dream of love, the eternal sea in summer. Scylla and Charybdis, responsibility and trust on the one shore- no, that is not what I mean- I mean the two voices I was thinking about the other day, it has to be allowed to be able to come out like that.What is the realization of a language I ask myself and the Call Collect Neil wrote asked me that- will I never achieve my sense of organization? Part of me likes the dissolving, a different sense of time Alan called it.

This started with the thought about the man who turned his apartment antique shop- art gallery into an exclusive restaurant. Certain things I'm afraid to buy. Like an electric typewriter. I paid back all the money except to Cheska- I have $1113 plus cash for the month- but I'm still scared. I guess it's because I'm always afraid of losing my job. But *that fear* must be countered by a real committment to study, analysis and actual effort.The recurring objects of his fantasy- he was waiting for them to appear and they did.

*So historicity has to do with waiting, if it is to mean anything. * Life as it is lived also guides our choices.

Needlefish a voracious eater of small fishes. Uses a web for bait, to catch the fish. Red shell money-gathered by the diver in the deepest part of the lagoon. He uses 30 cent goggles. He has earned his pay.

The nautilus, a creature of the night, is rarely seen except as bones.

The sharks in the water help you if you do good by them, or they will kill you. A pig is sacrificed, they collect the skulls of pigs sacrificed.

Shell money- different colored shells ground in a certain way.

A priest swims out and offers the shark a pig. It's the first time the skulls have been brought out in 30 years. The eldest priest has the most skulls. it's a heavy burden. They pray for the shark to arrive. He takes the sacrifice eagerly.

The sharks didn't attack the people.

The sea snakes talked to the shark and all fish the shark had chased into the cave escaped. This happened in Time Before.

8/15

I don't remember when I wrote that but I saw it on t.v. The article about writing dreams.

Can I really keep my dreams? Can I color them pastel colors again and again in memories. Like a bunch of fires built along the beach. Beacons. No, bacon. No memory. Just by.

The signature was mine, take it- the nature of its essence maybe will be our essence once. I try to keep it, but it keeps slipping away from me. I keep on fishing for it, like the collector of conches, they are also your words and I'm thinking about each separate name. And for the moment I'm in your frame. It's not like slipping into the word star machine- and the rust collects stamps- also a lot of rags are held in locks, in voices- I'm...an ocean just for you...twice in the parts of once or twice, ashore. Someone comes by to clean it up, to protect it. I'm afraid of this person, because the person who can help me is also still part of my dreams and I don't need better glasses than that. Whether or not you can fill it for the one who is lost now.

"You'll forgive me," he says "if I admit to you immediately that I like to have some money in the bank." He turns and looks away with a wistful expression on his face. "I remember the times I felt differently. I still had my recklessness and my taste for gambling with my life. I wasn't really much of an artist anyway, though I knew some very good ones." He pointed to his furnishings. "Now I console myself with a little extravagance, and the love of my dear wife."

His pince-nez.