Distribution Automatique

Friday, June 20

December 26, 1976

Wrapped inside your imagination
Your emotions yearn to extend themselves
Beyond their familiar limits. You
Can't think them- but you can see them
Acted by your ideal self. Of course
That exists only as an idea, but you
Believe it silently, forseeing growth
and change. There's so much space,
noisy comings and goings, new perspectives
You can trace to their origins and on out
Into the future, guided by desire.
And you can feel your thoughts growing
more familiar
After each arising, centering themselves
Around unlimited feelings, using
the ornaments of memory
As decorations for the self's celebration.
You caught sight of yourself somewhere
Between spontaneous gestures and awkward
hesitations. You copied everyone and
Denied it laughing. They laughed with
You, echoing out of a dream's sea,
A spot both careful and full, you were
Considering stopping by again, but
Had they expected you again so soon?

I got an idea from the moon.
He told me to calm down,
not to feel so pressed. I obeyed him,
Dutiful and patient. No one saw
the absence in my face as clear as you, and I
Regard you as my brother now, again.
There will always be questions, sudden
Warnings popping out of my mouth.
Half against each other we still believe
In each other. I'm glad we didn't pretend it
Was over when it wasn't, and were willing
To let it go on, over and over, almost to the
Point of boredom and past it again. We
Offer only parts of things, sometimes accepting,
Sometimes refusing, like a dog who won't turn
Around when you call him. Later, there'll
Be time to work on responses but right now I want to ignore them.

December 28

Necessary, unnecessary, necessary, un-
necessary. Bottom, up bottom, up bottom
and down there around again. As places
go, fine, the beach, the fire, a
mountain of particles, the mountain,
the man, the sea, the dog, movement
as aspect, monument, map, the street
they were playing on of memory of sea.
Of the time between of what we were speaking
of. A record, a portrait, a memory.
A picture is an explanation, a photograph
of time. But what about the time between?