10-10-84

[Odd] contrasts and similarities retain
experiences in memory

The development of intuition, a sensing of
external realities through inner movements, is
negated not by certainty but by doubt.

Science subsitutes hypothesis for hunch

What happens when you go from intuition to
hypothesis? An inner sensing is transformed
by means of a cognitive awareness?

It is interesting to note that my
projection of my own identity into
society as a whole is related to my
own inner image of what that is.

Outside responses as to what my identity
actually is determines, in part, how
I will project that identity within.
My actual survival as a specific
identity within society is determined by
my ego's ability to transfer specific
amounts of energy from one sphere to
another.Thus when someone
asserts themselves
to me, a basic challenge is made to
my process of constituting that identity within
my relations to others.

The sensing of identity
is experienced in spacial terms, as
well as in other visual metaphors.
[A person glows, vibrates, is "larger
than lifel."]

This specific actual experiencing
of a particular interval of time, but also
my projection of my identity as a
whole is sounded out for
a specific interval of time. In the
evolution of an identity,
this relationship of part to whole
is a difficult but complex issue.

It is its accessibilty to being
sounded out, its vibratory
responsiveness to others that provides
the possibility for movement and for change
in this sector of being. For this
reason, the whole of an identity must be
constituted out of parts, so that rearrangement
and change is possible.

For example, the diminution of the
inner scale of identity is one direction
that can reduce this tension.
If the whole is smaller, the
power of the parts is further
reduced, and as a result
the lessening of responsiveness
and attunement.

_________________________________________

"You are not responding to something
in her, you're responding to something
in yourself."

I have control over this, is the wish.
Myself (superego) attacks my own
identity.

My specific projection of the identity
I expected you to have of me
is a distortion of this inner
interchange between what I experience
between us about wha† you expect of me
and who I am.

If I force myself to be what I'm
imagining you expect of me, I am
diminishing my own identity, and also
distorting what I experience of
your identity.

Psychoanalysis is a process which allows a
person to view one's life as an
experience of evolving a healthier self.
'The difficulty is, of course, that this
touches on areas which have previously
been the domain of religion, ethics,
politics and medicine.

But to view and see the identity as something
developning, we must understand that the
pressure against viewing this identity as a
whole is enormous. The tentative, growing
identity is disynchronous with a concept
of the identity as a continuous whole.

Identity- in whose name it is

The view of man as a puppet of
fate in a hopeless drama
more gigantic than he
is has been reduced by psychoanalysis
to a child's projection of the
gigantic parents at first
kindling bending all over him, and
later fighting out a hopelessly
bitter and angry oedipal battle. But this
reductionism is also a change in
inner scale about the evolution of
an identity. Job's identity is
fought out on a level of power
and prayer, from this powerful
oppositionalism was to arise a
strengthened and devout soul.
This continual anticipation of the
future is a complete shift in
lterature's interest: *a model of
the mind,* not the blow-by-blow
description of the battles of the Titan
gods somehow beyond us.

A mental gymnastic in which
revelations of each
moment contribute to the *building*
of the larger totality. [refute
Boehm]It is not an inherent
wholeness, nor is it a tentative
totality inwhich most doubt must be
vanquished. As in constitutional
development, the amendments are
in actuality constantly restructuing
the totality of the direction it is
taking.

The talk about it is to
further being able to direct it.
"Acting out"is simply transferring into
[the language of language] the
level of action. By returning this
domain to speech, action is not
delayed but transmuted into
contributing towards resolving some
past conflict. The development of
identity in this atmosphere is a
development less burdened with the
past and consequently less bounded
by "fate." Perhaps the future
contains a message which not only
artists may bear but all good
listeners tothose dim sounds in
the earth our native sons and
daughters listened to to hear the
approaching riders.