The determinate quantity of time is very difficult to grasp experientially. Limitlessness is always contrasted to finitude.One boundary of the conscious imagination is death, the other, birth.The value of history is found at the nexus of origination; the value of prophecy at the crossroads of change.

The longing to know all the parts of each sequence between writng and no-writing. Then the flow may become more spontaneous and I would feel less troubled about it.This is also an issue which relates to the procrastination. Max may say that procrastination is akin to the oedipal experience of feeling blocked. You wait, rather than asserting yourself. As he said: "With your kind permission, sir."

Just because an element is always present, it doesn't mean it is a causal factor.

An image of what I've been thinking about lately: once you understand the essence of a situation, continuing to master it becomes a repetitive honing of the edge of your tools. But the difference between adequate mastery and no mastery at all is a very different affair. Without adequate mastery, establishment of a focus on the entire situation, including its boundaries, is impossible, or extremely difficult. No scale for estimating both the significance of the situation with relation to other related boundaries and territories can be established, because insufficient experience causes each fragment of the whole to appear to take up the whole focus of consciousness. To focus, one requires a range; to establish a scale means to freely move about within the focal range, appropriately estimatinng the necessary changes of position in establishing foucus and maintaining it, and moving from one type of focusing to another.
(8/15/84)

Bob and Melinda showed up for a surprise visit today. Pucci's again. I am feeling the best I've felt for the whole vacation. Analyzed my own dream- about Scott- Someone saying "I like Scott"- my analysis-"I'm like Scott," as good as Scott= asserting myself. Today I emerged from the fantasy that began the day. Poppy said: "The four of us will rent a house."

The analysis of the dream was not a big "jump" from "I like" to "I'm like." Not a big jump- but something "obvious" in terms of its lexical proximity- although the "meanings" in the declarative sense are far apart. The "obvious" here has to do with availability of choices. Anxious choosing whirls about, looking everywhere, not accepting the choice offering an adequate solution rather than a glittering one. Then again, one should never be oblivious to the shine and twinkle of the far-away and pure.

Knowing what the right energy feels like is most important. Then again, not to pick oneself up because one cannot fly, again and again, is very foolish. Now I feel like the kite, as high as a kite as they say, the one I flew yesterday and today.

Everything is so much simpler here.

Well, what about procrastination? At the beginning of this little book, I was still tending to rail against myself about it. Now I've learned something else, and a few more things are coming together. This notebook itself, for instance. These are graph paper grids, this paper is graph paper. So a small bit of my own movement has been mapped, and something has been "plotted." But we don't want to thicken the sauce with too much narrative. It is sage for the chicken and for the brave to add a little spice.
(8/18/84)