Notebook: 8/8/98

It comes down to little
specks of things.
Even the smallest
particle of time
can be
crucial. Like
an accordian, life
expands and
contracts.

For example
a bit of a
lesson might
be gained in
experiencing a
mistake. Such
contractions and
expansions emit,
over time, a
considerable amount
of energy.

I wonder
what the relationship
is between such
tiny specks or
particles of things
and the constant
expansion of time which
is called "forever,"
Except as an
idea, whatever
forever is can only
be understood in
relation to the
tiniest portion
of time.

"Anything might
be transformative
if you would only
allow yourself to
complete it."

He had come to
distrust any
kind of explanation.
Or is it that a way
to talk about
what you might
talk about in
everyday conversation.

For example,
some sentences may
be incomplete,
in verbal terms.
But the nuances
of a person's
gestures and tone
of voice- not
to speak of
years or even
decades of
exchange...

Always, some
things are too
much to say,
or too little.
Then, more and
more things are
too much to say
or too
little.

The glances
may become embarassing.
More and more
and eventually you
turn to your
violin.

You take your
violin in your
arms and play
it. As you play
it. you're creating
the melody. You've
put on a tape
recorder.
Unbelievably, you
realize as you
are playing that
you are actually
creating music. As
a result, later,
when you put
it down, you
suspect very
strongly that you'll
come back to it.

As you are
playing, you
realize that the
opening chords
were very
important. You go
back and listen
to them. You
go on your way
after them, but
now and then you
come back to
them.

To know how
to do something
is to know that
the constituants
of the doing might
be. These might
be many difficult
kinds of steps,
but there will
always be steps.

Sometimes there
is an apprehension
that precedes
steps. The step
is visualized,
imagined, and
anxiety creeps in. On
some level,
however slightly,
danger has been
realized, or
rather, recognized.
There might be
hardly any
expectable order
in the events
that precede
the steps.