notebook: 1980

Her schedule in the present (hospital, clinic,
parents, male friend she used to live with,
husband, etc.), classes, events- parties,
visits, concerts, films books she's reading
Her schedule- *then*

type the lists

t.v. programs she watches

make illustrative collage of *her* life
from magazines-

her *casual* observations
her *casual*, peripheral memories, feelings,
thoughts, reflections, beliefs
her *way* of talking to friends about her problems
what makes her cheerful
what saddens her
*how* she responds when people
give her advice, criticize her, praise her,
talk about themselves, tell her their
problems

her response to pain
what gives her pleasure
her strengths
her weaknesses
what she likes to look at
where she likes to go- how she likes to travel
her ways of dealing with loneliness
her attitudes towards people
he attitude towards money
how she sleeps
how she wakes
************
write about each seperately
write the events, then outline, then order (order
last)
*as* I live- use the events of the day as
material for specifics
************
the list- go to the list for *topics*
compound the topics

attitudes
feelings
ways of resolving
her ideas

thoughts that could create a structure

It wouldn't have to be one continuous
emotion- in fact, it could begin with her
angry or enraged- I could score the emotions
before each section of writing- it's emotions
not music- I could be precise about those-
she does not always have to be likeable or
understandable-
the music-
Her emotions
her fantasies
the situation "explained"


-My abstract writing as purely music

her memories- the beach, school
feelings
relationships
interests-
her clothes
her obsessions
her needs
her desires
her disappointments
her intelligence, her intellectual experiences-
I don't have to use all the details but I
have to know them-
bring *all* of my intelligence to bear on the
writing

describe her physically *completely*
her apartment completely
her car-
her neighborhood

I could base her character on F

How she feels physically during each
what she things about *as* she *does* each
use index cards in front of me as I write
because I can't hold it all in my mind

my resistance to really concentrating on writing-
the energy level need not be ecstatic as
when I write poetry-

Before I write- the topics on cards-
*don't worry* about fragmentation- that's
what stops me-
Not my mood, but the mood of the narrator-

I don't really feel like writing about you.
I still hate you too much.

It's my hate that stops me- if I write
& discharge the troublesome emotion or
find a way to discharge it, I'm free-
I no longer hve to worry about the
text- it will get written