8/3/94

Dreams/Transitions

Not sure if or when I fell asleep, I
began to dream
In a classroom, a different kind of
classroom: what did I come here to learn?
People friendly, I reach out
Wondering-faces
Is there certainty? For fear?
Unrevealed-and people show themselves,
can't help it
Better be exact- take measure
In between time- to get started
Then someone starts crying
I hold hands-wringing hands-hiding them
Unfortunate-make jokes-they can't
explain or understand
I insist on the possibility of racial harmony
Very slow nodding of heads-shaking of heads
I start to run but something holds my feet
Color-bombed out buildings- furniture in a vacant lot
Stripes-laughter-throw down partially smoked cigarettes
They scramble for them- to smoke
To be continued-
On the telephone-
Can't you remember?
Slowly shaking my head
Don't try to tell me
Unfortunate victims

II

Boundary line between sleeping and waking state
And I try to explain it
come back to get hurt
Tears-explanations
Loud noises again- I can't sleep!
Listen to me
Clouds passing-months passing
-opinions-papers-calls
Try to remember
Don't have to be exact
Or abrupt or so awake
Now think it over
Can't remember
Went out-took something-looking-
sunny-nobody there
In between
Pretend you're there-close your eyes-now look
Blue-white and blue-what do you see
Nothing-I see darkness-maybe nothing
Wait-stairs-or a street
Just something- I feel it- what
Love that there is just something invisible
Or not invisible
Uncovered and not moving
Held and not shaking
Once you talk the darkness disappears
Maybe it would be too embarassing
To specify
Artificially imposed waiting
At the side of
In the valley of
You could be just drying your hands
Or changing your clothes
And something occurs to you
At the moment the most alive
You have been in years- maybe ever
And that long discussion where the words
poured over you
Like water and a smile that lasts


III

I was trying to say something, to connect
Listened to but something interfered
In between a dancing play of lights
Pretend you're awake in order to move
Pretend you're speaking out loud when this is only thought
Coming and going through the mind like waves
Washing the shore and then disappearing
Too soft or too loud
Couldn't hear it quite as it was fading
Watching instead the trees slightly moving
Again reading-
Later eating together and watching t.v.-
Dozing off-
Asleep again
But don't break the chain
Don't mind it if you enter
But please don't raise your voice-
The voice- is what listens
Not the- sun or moon-
And-listening to music
Slowly take off your clothes-
Soft and holding darkness
Short and long-
Waiting
This is not out loud
Wordless thinking with words
Disappearing without a trace

IV

To speak out loud is not to be heard
Daylight world of empty sound
Coming close but of no part
Seeming, leaving
Too much to be anything
Scratching, biting but not tasting
Clear but meaningless
Remembered but not comprehended
Positioned but not situated
Exact-without a home
Unlearned yet rehearsed forever
Nightmare without release
Solitude without embrace
Command lacking nuance
Full but uncontained
Nearby but unreachable

Let the said remain unspken
An unheard sound as soft as skin
Surrounds the mind with kindness and water