Distribution Automatique

Wednesday, May 19

Thinking lately about the constant feeling of impending apocalypse,
the anxious impression of time running out, & how, if someone knew
they had only very little time left, how they might want to focus on
& cherish every particle of experience...
notebook (poem): circa 1990

To A Poem

Yet how long can I delay?
As long as the delights of life
Bid me reach for knowledge and pleasure,
Book, conversation, pipe, meal,
Thought, meditation, dream, plan,
Memory, friend, child, touch of a warm cup,
Night, day, sun, film, poem, hand,
Scrapbook, disorganized drawer of papers, trinket,
Memorabilia, telephone, application form, checkbook,
Record player, nap, walk, run, magazine,
Newspaper, reverie, look out the window, at painting,
At dust on sill, at the plants, listen to the water
Running in the kitchen, hear car siren, bug buzzing in the
Bedroom, finger old collages, remember old friends,
Think of new friend, long shower,
Ruminate on bowl, dream of small victories leaning
Back on recliner, think of faces I have seen,
The children I talk to, the therapy I've given and received,
Go to poetry reading, to work, think about the future,
Think of things I've learned, wonder about certain moments
Whose meanings are not yet clear, things I've not yet learned,
Her worries, his worries, my worries, the cracked cup in
The cupboard, Gorby's government, Bush's evasiveness, fascism,
Communism, Poetry Project, Sun and Moon, Arkady Dragomaschenko,
Ilya Kutik, *Poetics Journal*, The Ear Inn, L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E,
M/E/A/N/I/N/G, Columbus Avenue, apartment rents and prices, how the
Plants are doing, the kitty in the window across the street,
Drugs in the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's and on, the homeless, the subway, having
Children, self-confidence, the diary form, collaboration, letters, bills,
Where all my notebooks are, look through all my books for a
Missing book, should I alphabetize my entire book collection,
Write to Norman Fischer, Jeanne Lance, David Bromige, Michael
Amnasan and Jessica Grim, think about learning to be kinder to younger poets,
Start that new tape project, call Charles, plan to call my
Brother,listen to a poetry reading, type a manuscript,
Read Marjorie Perloff's book, Maryann Caw's translation of
Breton, think about French, about France, about French music,
Poetry, poets, the Galerie Lelong, *Avec*, Paul Auster's anthology,
Roussel, Debussy, the Seine, the same, the insane, taxes,
Death, Walt Whitman, the broken trees, salads, noises,
Porgy and Bess, pain, suffering, horrible racism, vicious
Sexism, time, space, colds, schools, clouds, rain,
Endless sunshine in L.A., the sea, freedom, coffee,
Chicken Paprikash, Woody Allen, the AIDS crisis, freedom
To abort, the World, the Shaman, Rothenberg's Shamanism,
Harner's heallings, psychoanalysis, Freud and free association,
Abstract expressionism, Chuck Berry, garage sales, crowded
Closets, jazz, impressionistic music, improvisation, doors,
Tranquility, excitement, shadows, Canasta, Hermes, Pan,
Clytemnestra, Central Park & Stephen-Paul Martin,
Weight gain & loss, fishing, *Roof*, feminism, dyslexia,
Howard Fox, Japan, Catholicism, Jewish Orthodox Cantos,
Ezra Pound's Cantos, Hugh Kenner, Vito Acconci, Eva Hesse,
Suicide, Bridge, racism in Manhattan, Dinkins, Koch,
The Board of Ed, Social Work, classes for the handicapped,
Psychology, Third World debt, fingers, clavicles, Telemann,
Ravel, Bartok, pizzicato, dice, lotto,
Marrakech, the Person, Thought, The Dark, the helpless,
Poverty in Harlem, Celan, Emily Dickenson, George-Therese
Dickenson, Bruce Andrews' *Sonnets*, Ed Friedman's kindness,
Embarassment, shyness, sophisticatin, grace,
The dated quality of qualities, naming, signifies, neatness,
The morning, the evening, sunset on the sea, fear, anxiety,
Enslavement, responsibility for history, the news, the archives,
Descriptions, loss, accounts, sensibility, sausage, time,
Brakes scraping in the distance, hunger, confusion, similes,
Choice, fatuous comments, mimic voices in the memory,
Whistle a tune, make a collage, remember an insult,
Think about the self, justice, reasonable explanations,
Envy & hatred, my own & others, make love, walk at
Sunrise, think of night, the humidity, thunder, wisdom,
Laughter, talk, sound, the street lamp, burgeoning,
Populations, wit, the 17th Century, the 21st Century,
Cummunication disorders, dreams, curry, disease,
Undersize people, oversize people, financial disasters,
Shelley Hirsch, Ravi Shankar, the Wiz, cartoon music,
films by Abigail Child, horse races, think tanks, card