notebook: 7/18/90

First try

Morning humdrum. Day residue. The night breathes
down my neck. Reading- humiliation. Awkward
revelation-chili, pasta and nectarines. Sine wave-elation
and sadness-feelings are not clinical-"like- get
a backbone!" Feelings wasted and mandarins. Some wave.
There is a system- without a system- I mean an
old fashioned one. In pajamas- a hymnal- breathe
thrice. Then running- unaware of night- in the thick of
it I'm sick of it- memories. Not a struggle- a salad-
with thinking in it. Enlarge. Faster- faster- I mean,
go slow. There is a universe around this- foxy- hesitant-
air-tight- liquid- liquid- exalted. What's for
lunch? Did you say, "launch?" Nervous, excited, steady,
as a clam. Who said that? Who said what? Say hi
to Norman Fischer (a sea captain).