Distribution Automatique

Wednesday, December 22

I accept comparison and laughter, love and diatribe, doubt
and fecundity as my daily diet. I can't reject the bitter
taste of disappointment either. To avoid this compulsively
may lead to paralysis. What we remember best is what
we sensed was the actuality of the situation. But this doesn't
nullify the other thoughts and soundings. There were
innumerable small venturings that led to the knock on
the door. There were moments of strangeness too before
the smile of recognition. This happened so many times it
became like breathing. But the first few times seemed
infinitely long. Once your mind has segmented the leap
into human strides the abyss has measure if still as
daunting. Even chaos may get less forbidding as its
features (ever changing) start announcing themselves
as provoking a recognizable feeling or constellation of
reactions. The giddy dizziness will finally relent and the
familiar landscape will once again reveal itself. Only one
or more elements have been added with this sighting.
Each round of lostness and foundness leaves its own
set of markings on the map we make inside and constantly
consult. Like any map, the more it's shared with others
the more useful it becomes. If they ignore it, don't let
that stop you from proceeding on your quest. After all,
it's just a map.

from; *Writing and Persevering*
published in *The Boundary of Blur*
(Roof, 1993)